Bittersweet

I looked over the window as the wind was whistling outside, the trees seemed like dancing stars and clouds roared and announced the incoming rainfall. There was me sitting inside watching all these exciting things and not even a cell in my body felt energized, I was hurt deeply enough that my inner being forgot how to be joyful. These were the days when nature gave me every reason to be thankful that I got to experience this but all I could fathom was eternal sadness. I remember getting stings like pain around my chest area and I was not even able to wish that the pain went away. If I say I was depressed that would be an understatement. Slowly, day by day I was getting further and further away from who I was. I was losing myself in parts, and I did lose a part of me forever. I had given up all my habits, it was just me and binge-watching and eating, if I was brave enough I would have cried every day.

That’s the most difficult phase I’ve ever been through in my life and though I am super happy that I’ve gotten out of it, it still has its grip on me, still pulling my legs, flashbacks and nostalgic pain, as I said I lost a part of me forever. But looking back all I can think of it as a Bittersweet experience. There is a reason why bitterness comes first and sweetness is experienced after. I would say I am in the middle of that but I have learned a lot from my bitter one. Life will always give you pain and then make you learn from it, it’s the way we human beings grow and develop. I know we all want to avoid these experiences and I would still want to avoid that because I am still in the midst of it. But, before that, each traumatic experience bought a lot of sweetness with it, but it is after you’ve survived the storm you get to witness sunrays. The part which is most difficult, to waking up every morning when you feel like you don’t want to because sleep is the most peaceful part of the day, to go through life as if nothing happened to you for other people, but inside being shattered, to put on a smile even when face muscles feel like heaviest thing on the planet. But, you have the strength, you dare to brave the wilderness, to be good despite being hurt and when you go through there is always an evolved side waiting for you at the end. I am a work in progress, getting better every day, sometimes I do stumble but I get back on my feet and run like a wild horse in the grass fields, feeling the wind, and enjoying the moment. These bittersweet experiences do make life beautiful. Being courageous enough to know that you won’t always taste honey and still making that effort, know that you are daring greatly.